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Writer's pictureSarah Stonehouse

An Open Letter: From a Dog Behaviourist to a Dog Owner.

Updated: Aug 14



I really do care about your dog. I think for this reason alone I am good at my job. I think you really truly have to care to be a good behaviourist because it's not an easy job. Being a behaviourist to another species that can't speak is like trying to catch a fish blind-folded and upside down. It's a whole tangled web of observation, guess work, utilising previous education and trial and error.


Not all dogs are the same. Not all breeds are the same. Not all littermates are the same. Not all ages are the same. Not all dogs respond to the same kind of training. Not all dogs have a good relationship with their owner. Not all dogs are suited to their lifestyle.


Imagine you met a dog. The dog is 5 and can't speak to you. They're exhibiting a behaviour but they can't tell you why, nor do they care to tell you why because you're a stranger with no previous relationship with them. Their owners can't tell you why. It is impossible to go back and know everything that happened in the previous 5 years. Even the owners might remember wrongly or just be completely unaware of what otherwise is obvious to my trained eye. It's usually impossible to know exactly how they were bred and what genetic lines they possess. It's then hard to fully piece together what their experience was as a puppy, what they've learned since, if they're in any pain/discomfort, how their gut reacts to their food, how their owner handles them when I'm not present, how other family members handle them, etc. Sometimes it's obvious, but mostly it's hard. It's a detective job. A complex job you only have a limited number of sessions to 'fix' or 'nip in the bud'.


Say someone books 4 sessions (this is about the average). In these 4 sessions, I have to:

  • Form a relationship with the owner

  • Form a relationship with the dog

  • Find the dog's motivators

  • Assess the dog's history, lifestyle & diet

  • Assess the dog's behaviour

  • Implement changes to the dog's diet (if necessary) - this takes time to affect behaviour

  • Implement pain trials or medical rule outs (if necessary) - this takes time to affect behaviour

  • Start the owners off on the basic foundation skills to teach their dog before we can even begin to get to the nitty gritty

  • Hope the owner's have a skill level and relationship with their dog that transfers the teaching well

  • Hope the owner's are following the training plan WELL between sessions whilst being fully aware they aren't dog trainers and will likely get some things wrong


This is just the beginning. By the time the 4 sessions it's up we've dipped a toe in the ocean. I'm talking about true behaviour modification here, not training. Training we can usually dive straight into and make decent progress in 4 sessions. But behaviour mod? This takes time, even if done well. If a dog's been performing a behaviour or feeling an emotion for months, it doesn't go away overnight.


This can all be related to weight loss or hiring a personal trainer. They can't do it for you. They can assess, instruct and advise but it takes weeks to months to see even tiny bits of progress. That's why a lot of people give up, on both weight loss and dog training. It's really hard. The dog's I work with, if I took home and owned and trained, I'd find 99% of them easy peasy lemon squeezy. But I find it hard to teach owners to teach their dogs in the short amount of time I have. Behaviour is so complex, layered and multi-faceted and is best done by someone who can act in the moment, read their dog instantaneously and be clear. I rarely see a true end result because people either can't afford further sessions, give up or choose more aversive methods to fix the problem. Job satisfaction is low. I am eternally grateful for the clients who are in it for the long haul and 'enjoy' learning about their dog, making sacrifices for their dog and training. These keep me going.


Quick training methods exist. Balanced or old-fashioned training exists and works quickly to 'stop' a behaviour from being performed, but it doesn't stop emotion from being felt. I'm not against punishment in all forms, but I truly care about the how's, what's and why's of a dog's behaviour and really struggle using corrections when a dog is fearful or anxious or just hasn't been given the right tools to cope. Sometimes owners want this, and I can't help those owners. Some owners truly don't understand how engrained their dog's behaviour is and how hard it will be to change. Sometimes owners aren't happy with the progress they've made, whilst I am ecstatic for them.


A lot of dog's I see I suspect are in discomfort. Most owners don't want to hear this, but it is a reality of over-breeding and heavily influences behaviour. Without spending thousands, it's hard to find out what the discomfort could be, so I go to sleep at night dwelling on Archie's left leg or Duke's hip sway and how much it has or is contributing to the problem.


The more people in the world, the more dogs there will be. The more dogs there are, the more popularity breeds poor genetics. The more houses that are built, the less space there will be. The less space there will be, the more over-stimulated dogs there will be. The busier people get, the less time there is for training. The more social media there is, the more in demand quick-fixes become.


It's really really overwhelming. It's overwhelming if you care. I care about the dogs first and foremost. I care if they're overwhelmed. I care if I think they're feeling unwell or are in pain. I care if they're struggling or fearful. I care if they're frustrated. I even care if they're just being a sod, because they've been allowed to be.


If you ever think about getting into working with dogs on a behavioural level, make sure you've got a good support network, take time off when you need it, don't overload your work diary and be kind to yourself. You may not be as impressive to watch as the videos circulating on TikTok or feel like you can wow people in 5 minutes with your undeniable skill, but the dog's love you for it because you're there for them. You are trying to improve their life, one tiny behavioural step at a time.


Will I do this job forever?


I don't know. It takes it's toll. When I started, I thought I could train other people's dogs to the same level as my own easily; this isn't the case. I have learned to expect and accept less, not because owners are bad, but because they aren't dog trainers. I prevented a lot of problems with my dogs from ever becoming a thing, but with client's dogs I am curing an engrained well-rehearsed problem using a handler who isn't a dog trainer.


A common issue I see is owner's not rewarding their dogs for effort, however minimal. If I want to stop a dog reacting, I will reward every tiny thing the dog does that isn't reacting and build up their motivation for new behaviours, thus getting more success more quickly. An owner will accidentally miss all these little things in favour of the end goal - not reacting at all and being calm. Therefore, the dog fails, reacts and the relationship and motivation breaks down. The same can be said for basic obedience. If I want to train a dog to sit stay for 10 seconds, I will reward 1 sec, 3 secs, 2 secs, 7 secs, 4 secs, 9 secs, etc until I get to 10 and the dog LOVES it. An owner will wait 10 seconds straight off the bat, the dog will fail and the owner will label their dog stupid.


It's a simple case of dog trainer vs dog owner. And it's not a fault. It's just conveying this all to owners properly in minimal sessions is HARD. I don't even know why I'm writing this blog. Maybe because it's a solitary job and I'm using this as a form of offload therapy. But I hope it gives you, the dog owner, a perspective from the behaviourists point of view. We really are trying, we want to help you and your dog, but we aren't miracle cures. We are trying to heal an open wound that's been festering for months to years, and we need time and trust and patience to do so.







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2 Comments


Guest
Jul 11

This is so honest and heartfelt and so very real. Thank you, for sharing what you experience.

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Guest
Aug 14
Replying to

It's a pleasure, sometimes it just feels good to get it off your chest!

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